There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She announced her abortion via fbk
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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