why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
