That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
