she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
