I think i sorta joined a cult last night
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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