I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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