I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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