Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
it's like iHOP with fire
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
