Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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