ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
