there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
