please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
