Yo dont text me then not text me
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
