Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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