I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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