fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
