she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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