beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
