Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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