when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
