well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
