Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
