im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
vagina is talking i cant
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
