Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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