She's JV to your varsity
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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