And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
