Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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