It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
