No, you can still breathe under the balls.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
