I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I am naked and annoyed.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
