i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
