I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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