wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
