Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
