saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
try to milk me bitch
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