Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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