remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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