is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
