the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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