my mouth tastes like poor choices
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
