I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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