His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
