In the future we'll all be gay
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
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