Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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