I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
