i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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