Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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