I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
pop tarts are not kleenex
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
