well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
