I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
