Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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