How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
