Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
